Why “Doing Together” Feeds Connection

The Five Levels of Embodied Belonging

After going to back to back socializing events and then processing it with ChatGPT, it has me deeply processing! 

Lately, I’ve been studying connection in a way I never had to before.

Not just emotional connection, but embodied connection…what it means to feel part of the human rhythm now that my body isn’t on automatic mode and doesn’t move like everyone else’s.

Since becoming disabled, I’ve noticed something subtle but profound: Socializing often equals standing.

*Notice at this socializing event, my friend gets up to join the convo.

Most people connect while doing. Standing in small circles, walking together, leaning on kitchen counters while chatting, eating or drinking. When I’m sitting and can’t move toward others, I feel the ache of separation. People rarely come over, and I can’t go to them. I can be surrounded by conversation and still feel invisible.

I’ve experienced being sat at “Grandma’s” table at a wedding (you know the one that’s closest to the bathroom and further away from the action). I feel for grandma…she doesn’t get to connect physically and she might not even want too, but I am too young to be in the ‘Crone...I don’t care phase”. So while I have been prematurely into this phase, allow me to share my observations. 

I have awareness that socializing isn’t only about words. It’s about shared movement, rhythm, and energy. When we “do” together, something in our nervous systems says, I’m safe, I belong.  I want to learn how to experience synchrony from the inside out. To find that rhythm within my own breath, my own heartbeat so that I can join the dance even when my body is still.

If you look closely in this old picture, I’m the one in the stroller. I can feel the excitement and the connection between the adults, and me on the outside of it all.

5 Levels of Embodied Belonging

1. Physical Synchrony…We Move Together

When people walk, cook, or even stand side by side, their bodies naturally sync… breath, gestures, pace. This mirroring regulates the nervous system. It’s why small talk while doing dishes feels easier than sitting across from someone in silence.

When I can’t join in the movement, my body doesn’t get those cues of “we’re together.” It’s not a social flaw; it’s a physiological truth. And it has me having to get creative on ways I can still find connection.  

2. Sensory Presence…We Share Space

Even when we’re not moving, our bodies respond to proximity, eye contact, tone, the temperature of shared air. Just being near someone can steady us.

But it only works when awareness flows both ways. Presence without attunement can feel like absence.

3. Cognitive Exchange…We Talk Together

Small talk isn’t meaningless; it’s the nervous system warming up. “How are you?” “How was your weekend?”  These tiny exchanges signal safety and belonging.

When they’re missing, we feel socially untethered. 

But when that’s all there is, I crave something deeper (and want to get out of the Blimp!). 

4. Emotional Resonance…We Feel Together

This is where the real nourishment begins.  When laughter, tears, or shared vulnerability align our emotional systems. Empathy releases oxytocin and reminds us we’re not alone.

This is the space Plunge was built for…bridging the small talk and the soul talk. 

Is this stage even possible or appropriate while socializing? 

5. Spiritual Communion…We Remember Together

Beyond words and feelings lies the quiet recognition that we’re part of something greater…the field of we. When two or more gather with presence, conversation becomes communion. 

Again, I don’t know that this one can happen while socializing because many of us seem to be out of our body’s. Maybe this is why so many of us leave parties feeling lonely. If we were in them we would sense the discomfort of standing for so long yelling to one another;) I sometimes think socializing, at its highest form, is the soul’s way of remembering it is not separate.

But most of us are too out of our bodies to feel it.

Maybe if we reclaimed our own inner synchrony (our internal rhythm of belonging)  we could find a way to connect that isn’t draining, even in stillness.

Because belonging, I’m learning, doesn’t start when someone walks toward me.

It begins when I can feel the we within myself. If you want to connect on the 4 and 5 levels, it will probably be more possible if you sit down together.

The Gift Hidden in Disconnection

Not being able to “do” like others has been a painful teacher, but also a sacred one. It’s shown me what connection really is: not automatic, not casual, but intentional.

When I can’t stand with people, I can still reach for the other layers,
to attune, to listen deeply, to invite someone into shared meaning.

Maybe that’s the deeper calling of this season…
to teach the world that connection isn’t just what we do together,
it’s how we be together.

And maybe that’s what Plunge really is:
a way to rebuild the bridges between us…
one question, one breath, one presence at a time.

My favorite pastime…Plunging with loved ones!

Passing time at the family cabin in Alaska with Plunge!